I can't believe how quickly things are progressing time wise! In about a week and a half I would have been working on my travel assignment for an entire month! I feel very comfortable with the staff, I have already floated to a different unit, been in codes and emergency situations...I feel broken in! The greatest thing of all: IT WILL ALL CHANGE IN 10 WEEKS! YESSS! This probably could have been one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life career wise! BUT I do thank God I stayed at my home base the length of time I did because with out the experiences, I could not be as successful as I am now! No Kim, I haven't forgotten where I got my "twitty milk" from and who helped "grow" me as a RN.
This week has been an emotional, physical and mental roller coaster. In the past 10 days I have worked 8 shifts 2 of which were in a different city! Monday Tuesday night, off one, Thursday through Saturday, off one, then Monday through Weds night! I will never ever do any crap like that again in life! I refuse to pimp myself out for anything, especially work! Don't get me wrong, it is my passion and all; however peace of mind is PRICELESS!
MY BIGGEST FEARS: Sick pregnant women, taking care of critically ill patients who are around my age, and sick children.Sick pregnant women just make me nervous! I guess its the fact there are two lives hanging in the balance, the mommy and the child. The most devastating portion to me is when there has to be a choice between mother or baby...who to keep alive. Gosh it just makes my skin crawl! *PROPS TO WOMEN SERVICES RNS* Sick children make me nervous because they just never had a chance in life. OK, you have a 50 year old person in liver failure related to excessive drinking....and a child who is in liver failure because of genetic defects or mom who didn't make the best health decisions during pregnancy....enough said. Can't do it. Well recently there was a younger patient who developed a guillain barre like condition. Guillain Barre syndrome is an autoimmune disorder that effects the peripheral nervous usually brought on by some type of infection process (thanks Wikipedia). Basically imagine waking up one morning and feeling like someone knocked your elbow really hard....but having that sensation all throughout your arms and legs...AND not being able to move! Just a massive amount of pain, nerve pain, and not having it being relieved by medication. This condition is absolutely devastating! This worst part: it has the potential of spreading through out the body causing respiratory depression related to the paralyzed muscles of the diaphragm! It is scary, its almost like you be come a prisoner in your own body with out being able to move, not even blink. Any way this patient was pretty much in the early stages of it and was being treated with IVIGG and high dose of steroids which were to combat the body's inflammation process (the cause). Moving on, it just freaks me out seeing people around my age stricken with illness. I mean it could be myself or my sisters laying in that hospital bed! Just makes me count my blessings and be thankful for my health and strength every day! But any time I take care of these "youngsters" I just have to watch myself and make sure im not being over bearing! "Are you ok?" "Are you feeling short of breath??" "Are you having pain?" LOL! I just try not to get too panicky or high strung! Talk about having a poker face! If only that patient could see me on the inside: FREAKING OUT!
Real Story: I took care of this young person who suffered from marfan's syndrome, a connective tissue disorder, where they had issues with frequent dissecting aorta. (All the RNs I can see your eyes getting big) Basically they arrived in the ED and told one of the admitting RNs "I don't feel well, I am dissecting". They then left them in a room awaiting at CT scan for about 15min...after the CT scan was done...30 seconds later the cardiovascular surgeon, cardiologist, radiologist, nurses, techs, hell the house keepers were in the room prepping the patient for emergency surgery. The mother then yelled "HOLD IT, STOP EVERYTHING!!!", of course the room stopped and the surgeon looked at her like "what the hell!?" She then walked up to the surgeon and demanded, "Let me see your hands now". Of course the surgeon was about to have a fit..."Let me see your hands!" They showed her their hands..."Ok, I just want to touch the hands that are about to operate on my child" She then grasped them real tight and started praying....So the patient was rolled, no RAN into surgery. The surgery was successful the patient was recovered and per the discretion of the doctors was transferred into CCU. (Which is how I encountered the patient) The patient was very kind, energetic, and extremely intelligent. They were actually studying biology to become a cardiologist to go on to study and help patients with marfan's syndrome. It was awesome. The patient complained of not being able to sleep, so of course in the true Brandon fashion "Well the goal tonight is for you to get some sleep! I will do everything in my power to block that door to make sure that no one and i mean NO one disturbs your slumber! And if someone does, I might just loose my job because im going right off!" (LOL I keep it real with my patients! And I mean what I say!!! Its always a hoot! LMAO) Needless to say, the patient felt refreshed and rested the next morning. I returned the following night but instead of picking this patient back up, I decided to pick up the newly admitted hypothermia patient (I will discuss my thoughts and feelings of therapeutic hypothermia on a different post). So I went into the room to start my assessment and it could have been 10 seconds later I heard commotion and then the dreadful "CALL THE CODE CALL THE CODE!!!!" I couldn't think of anyone who they could be calling the code on, after all I had the most unstable patient...And it my heart dropped when I learned it was the patient I took care of the night before. Apparently the patient was feeling quite well and sitting in the chair, the nurse taking care of them asked them how they were doing that evening...they just said "I don't feel so..." then slumped over. They then they literally threw the patient in the bed and starting CPR and the ACLS protocol.... long story short one hour later and a room of sweaty nurses, docs, residents, respiratory therapists...the patient expired. Mind you this all happened at shift change, so the mother was asked to step out until after 2000. Believe it or not, she had no idea her child had expired. 2000 rolled around and the supervisors met her at the entrance of the room and they walked her to the entrance of the unit to tell her the news...seconds later you there was this scream of pure dread and sorrow. "I just left them sitting in the chair feeling good, and you mean to tell me they are dead!? BULLSHIT! I WANT TO SEE THEM NOW!!" Then she entered the room and it was all over from there...screaming crying shouting, it had to be one of the saddest moments I had in my career. But the one statement which broke down myself and all of the nurses: "My baby is gone, I just left to go downstairs, I didn't even get to say goodbye! I WISH IT WAS ME!" My god, I immediately called a "meeting" in my patients room, who happened to be sedated and paralyzed...i.e oblivious to everything, where we closed the curtain and the door and shed some tears. Shortly after the patient's spouse came onto the unit, they didn't even make it to the room before they had to be contained by the nursing supervisors...then security. It was just the saddest thing ever. The thing I will never forget and will probably take to my grave will be when the mother walked past me in the unit on her way out and told me, "Thanks for making my baby comfortable for their last night on earth, that means the world to me, thank for your all of your help, god bless you" I have her a hug and saw her out the door, then had to run to the restroom and have my little moment. I felt like such a baby! BUT HEY, I'm human 1st then a nurse!
Ok, this last story was pretty heavy so I'm going to call it a night! Please leave your comments questions! I am thinking of ways to make the blog more interactive because I would love to hear feed back! Now to enjoy 4 days off! Off to Austin!!!
LOL Oh yes the fit, I will have to make a part two! LOL!
BS RN
...and tears come rolling down...
ReplyDeleteThis is why we do this.Put up with the good, bad, and the ugly for these moments which in most cases are few and far between.
Curious: We've learned different things in school but clearly things are done differently in practice. Do you think it is appropriate to cry in front of/with a family?
-Baby RN
Brandon-- u know I'm over here crying! Its okay to cry. I've shed my share of tears at work. Like you said- we are human first. However, I try not to cry in front of my patient and family members. Out of my 7 years in practice, it happened maybe twice. I usually excuse my self to the bathroom.
ReplyDeleteThat is one of the reasons why I don't do ICU. I'm not good with death. I prefer the more stable patients.
Keep up the good work cuzzo! I'm trying to get my blog off the ground soon!
Nina
@baby RN it all depends! We are drilled in school to be professionals and to maintain that professional atmosphere with the patients...especially when they start to get frisky! LOL! Well, it all depends on the situation, how attached you are to the family etc. I think its easier when you don't because some times its hard not to take that experience home with you...go home feeling all depressed, eating ice cream and snickers! I don't feel like it makes you a weaker nurse or less professional...its all on a case by case basis! I have seen some of the "roughest" most excellent nurses cry...do i have any less respect for them...no, do I feel like their capabilities are anything less...no. Other words its ok to cry! Just don't give them your contact info....thats crossing the line!! Thanks for reading!!!
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